Friday, October 9, 2009

Things I Believe

Yes, cocaine can destroy your life and everything you hold dear.  But at the end of the day, you will still be the loudest and most obnoxious person in the room and no one can ever take that away from you.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Quantum Never Crashed

Oh, sure.  When Scott Bakula does it, it's fine, but when I  "leap" into someone's body without permission, it's considered a criminal offence.

Sunday, October 4, 2009

Last Thoughts

The moment we had all been waiting for had finally arrived - our plane was crashing.  As the captain made the announcement to the passengers, I was surprised how calm and collected he sounded, though it was difficult to hear over my crazed screaming.  Then I looked around and thought, it's funny how people react differently in times of crisis.  In one direction, people were panicking and flailing.  In another direction, children were singing as if they didn't have a care in the world.  But, as someone pointed out, that was just the movie.

I wondered how I would be remembered around the office.  Would it be for what my boss called my "hands-on approach" or would it be for the time I was caught groping the secretary?  During moments like this, you begin to reconsider all of your life choices, and I was tormented.  Why!?  Why didn't I ask for that cup of coffee sooner!?  And, as the plane got closer and closer to hitting the ground, I could only think of one thing: it's time to quit smoking.

Editor's Note: You may be wondering how the victim of a plane crash could tell his story. If so, you are quite naive about ghost skills.

Friday, October 2, 2009

Things I Believe

When people are at their lowest point, they need to hear good things.  So when Ben told me that he had two months to live, I said that I would be at a resort in Cuba during that time.