Thursday, January 9, 2014

An Adventure

While walking along the pier, I was strangely overcome with a desire to peer around the water. I soon spotted five or six people dressed as police. I watched as they combed the surroundings for evidence, called back to home base, showed me their badges, and told me to "back away from the surroundings." After a while of this, it dawned on me that these people weren't just dressed up as police. At least three of them were police!

I decided that I would heed their advice of "stepping the fuck back" after none of them would give me an autograph (talk about stuck up!!!). I then overheard one saying, "looks like we got a floater." Ew, gross, I thought. That's terrible. Who would do such a thing? However, it soon became clear that they were actually just talking about a body. What a relief!

I started to get hungry and asked if anyone had a sandwich. "We've got bigger fish to fry," they told me. That sounded pretty good so I decided to stick around but as it turns out, "fish" is just code for "dead body" and "fry" is just code for I don't know what.

Tuesday, January 7, 2014

Close Call

Just after I was put under for my surgery, I had a vision of a glowing, pure white light. At the end of the light, I heard angelic singing and the sounds of family members saying things like, "Don't worry" and "It's your time." If my instincts were right, I knew I had to get the hell out there as soon as possible.

Friday, January 3, 2014

Next Time I'll Eat an Apple

When the doctor took me to a dank apartment and hooked me up to a machine, I had to ask, “Is this one of those death machines I’ve been hearing so much about?” The doctor looked around nervously. Sweat seemed to trickle from his forehead. Then he made a quick phone call where the doctor kept talking about some guy who was “on to them.” Then he came back and finally answered my question. “No,” he said. That was all I needed to hear.