For Your Enlightenment

Okay, here's something that happened to me recently.  I am in Church, like I am every Sunday, and I am called upon to take the Eucharist.  So I go up with everyone else, race right to the front of the line, pushing people out of the way, because I really got to get that Eucharist.  And I drink from the Holy cup, and I bend over to eat of the bread when WHAM! the priest knees me in the nose.  I couldn't believe it!  My nose actually started bleeding he kneed me so hard.

I looked around to see if anyone noticed, but no one did!  Then I heard the priest say: "This is my body.  This is my blood."  So I said, "No.  This is MY body.  And this is MY blood."  The priest gave me a puzzled look and so did everyone else in line.  I thought then that I must have made some grave error, and that the priest didn't knee me in the nose at all.  Then, all of a sudden, the priest said that he saw a miracle at the back of the Church.  We all turned around to look, and while my back was turned, he hit me on the head with some kind of book he was holding.  I was like, what!!??  I turned around to confront him and he pretended like nothing had happened but for some reason he couldn't stop giggling.

I was pretty upset at this point, but I just ended up going back to my seat.  But when I got back to my seat I discovered that while I was up receiving the Eucharist, someone had taken my gun!  The gun that I had left sitting on my seat for safe keeping.  When I got home, I gave all this a great deal of thought.  And I now believe that the priest didn't knee me in the nose, or hit me on the head, or steal my weapon at all.  God did.