Hitler On Twitter

adolphhitler

@goebels Way to not show up for the Czechoslovakia invasion.  check your facebook wall once in a while.
about 21 hours ago via web in reply to goebels

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Can't get enough of Wagner!!!
2:27 AM March 21 via web

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Just gave great speech at the Rhine.  Pretty sure someone yelled out "Shitler".
9:43 PM March 19 via web

Full of Pep Talk

CAPTAIN: I'm going to be honest with you men.  We face a difficult battle today.  Quite possibly the most difficult battle of our lives.  The enemy that we are about to fight have spent the past few months preparing and training for this day, while we have spent most of that time gambling.  They have state of the art weapons and technology, while our guns have gone missing.  They have the kind of comraderie and brotherhood that we, with our hurtful namecalling and bizarre hazing rituals, could only ever dream of.  They also do not suffer from the kind of drug induced schizophrenia that many of you have been afflicted with ever since that party at my house.  Most of all, they have gumption, and I have yet to find out what that even means.  The important thing for you to take away here though is this: the title of "Captain" is not just something I won in a card game.  It is also my real first name!  I just thought you all should know that.

A Bold Strategy

SOLDIER: Captain, do you really expect us to go into battle without any weapons?

CAPTAIN: Yes, I think we can handle it.  And also the enemy will never see it coming.  They will be stunned that we have no weapons of any kind while they have a vast stockpile of weapons.  That's when we start punching and kicking.

SOLDIER: I just think that it seems a bit risky if they have a lot of guns and we have no guns.

CAPTAIN: (pounding the table) Risk is our business, dammit!